Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
FUCK WHALES
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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