RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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