I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
