And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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