Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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