What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
