We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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