In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
