my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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