this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
