I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
