I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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