I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
