i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You dont lie about slip and slides
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
