You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
