I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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