I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
