I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
