i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
