Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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