I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
