I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
