But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
