Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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