i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Text me some of your sweat
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