I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
being pregnant is like rehab
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
