Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
