I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
