come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
