Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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