i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
