I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
