I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
