I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
