I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
