There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
