I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
