thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
