At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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