Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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