If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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