Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm always down for nudity.
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