I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
