That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
