you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
