there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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