Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
