I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
