I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
