I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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