We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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